Getting it down on paper: keeping a record of your family-based arrangement

We’ve previously talked about the benefits a family-based arrangement can give you and your family. This includes having the freedom to make your own decisions about how the arrangement works and not limiting the arrangement to just making or receiving money.

Many parents like that a family-based arrangement doesn’t involve paperwork, especially as a CSA arrangement can involve lots of form filling and often takes time to set up.

If you and the other parent don’t like the hassle of paperwork but still want to formalise your family-based arrangement there are easy ways to do this.

If you decide to pay or receive money for child maintenance, setting up a standing order is one way to ensure the payments are made in full, on time and recorded on paper. If you agree to use cheques or cash you might want to keep written records of all payments.

Because a family-based arrangement can include other things such as buying your child essential items, you could also keep the receipts.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t trust the other parent though. It’s just one way of helping you keep on top of your arrangement and shows how you and the other parent are committed to working together to support your children.

It could also help you consider what has been paid or received since setting up the arrangement. If you and the other parent want to make changes or you are not happy with how things are going you will have a record you can use to agree a new arrangement.

If you are a parent who has a family-based arrangement and like to keep a record of what you’ve agreed, we’d like to hear from you.

Tell us how it works by leaving a comment below.

Making your family-based arrangement work at Christmas

Love it or hate it, Christmas comes around every year – sometimes quicker than we’d like. Anyone with a family will know just how much there is to think about. What presents to buy? What to cook for Christmas lunch? Who to invite? Who not to invite?

But what if you and the other parent need to think about how you will provide for your children during the Christmas break? A family-based arrangement is intended to last throughout the year, whatever the season or occasion, but this doesn’t mean you can’t make changes if you and the other parent want to. It just means thinking about how the arrangement will work and both agreeing to any changes.

For example, there might be something you or the other parent need to do or provide for your children at this time, especially as Christmas can be expensive. You might decide that you will pay or receive less or more to cover those extra costs.

Christmas is often stressful for families. When you’re separated, it’s only natural that you might not agree straight away on what’s best for the children during this time. This could include who your children spend Christmas with.

Many parents living apart from their child feel child maintenance should be linked to how often they’re able to spend time with them. This is not something recognised in child maintenance or family law. Providing financial support does not automatically allow the other parent contact with your child.

However, a family-based arrangement could include you and the other parent spending time with your children if you both agree that this is best for you all. Most children benefit from having positive relationships with both parents, wherever they live.

So while it might be difficult to do, talking about contact arrangements with the child’s other parent could be helpful for everyone. If this feels like you or your situation then mediation can be a less confrontational way of working through issues. More information about mediation can be found on the National Family Mediation website: www.nfm.org.uk

We’ve also shared a previous post about our discussion guide which could help you talk to the other parent. You can download the discussion guide using the links in our tools and leaflets section.

What arrangement do you have with the other parent at Christmas? How do you make it work?

Share your thoughts with others by leaving a comment below

What’s new

Child Maintenance Options has teamed up with the new Netmums Separation Advice Clinic. If you have a question about child maintenance then perhaps Sarah, our Child Maintenance Options consultant, can answer it. You can visit the clinic by visiting the following link:

Separation Advice Clinic

Unfortunately Sarah cannot answer any questions relating to a specific CSA case.

Want to talk to Child Maintenance Options? You can now arrange a call back by texting us. Simply text OPTIONS to 66644 and we’ll do the rest!

SMS texts will be charged at your standard network rate.

How much is enough? Agreeing how much child maintenance to provide

In our August posts, we talked about flexing your family-based arrangement to meet life’s changes. This is fine if your family-based arrangement is already up and running – but what if you are just starting out?

If you and the other parent have recently decided to set up a family-based arrangement but can’t agree the payment amount or haven’t decided how to put the arrangement into practice, then here are some ideas on getting started.

As we’ve mentioned before, there are no right or wrong ways to agree a family-based arrangement as it’s completely up to you and the other parent. The same goes for any payments made or other costs involved in supporting your children.

It depends on the needs of everyone involved, which can be different and change over time – just as the cost of things like childcare or food go up and down. Information on updating your arrangement can be found in our previous post.

As a good starting point, you and the other parent could consider the following:

• Information about your income and theirs if you have it
• The living costs for your child, such as clothing and food
• Your living costs, such as your mortgage or rent and household bills
• Any other financial commitments you, your child or the other parent have

If you’ve decided that you and the other parent want to make or receive payments as part of your family-based arrangement, you could use the Child Maintenance Options calculator. This works out an estimated child maintenance figure that is a good guide to what you could pay or receive if you used the CSA. You could include this figure in any discussions with the other parent.

You could also complete a family-based arrangement form. Although it’s not legally binding, it’s a good way to formalise what you agree.

You can use the calculator and form by visiting the Child Maintenance Options website using the link above.

How did you get your family-based arrangement up and running? How did you agree a figure and did you use the calculator? Or do you provide for your children in other ways?

Let others know what you think by leaving a reply below

When things change: updating your family-based arrangement

Last time we talked about being prepared for the school holidays and changing your arrangement to meet your children’s needs. But this isn’t the only time you might need to do this.

We all know life doesn’t always go to plan. You might change your job or relationship or your children might need different things as they grow-up, such as starting a new school or support with any health issues.

This can also impact on the arrangement you have with other parent to provide for your children. It might be that there are suddenly new demands on your time, finances or personal situation and you need to makes changes.

If and when this time comes, you’ll probably want to review the ways you are caring for your children. If you’ve filled in a family-based arrangement form and have both agreed on what’s what, you might want to go through it again and see if it still works for you all.

You could do this with the other parent or separately in your own time before talking to them about what you both might do next. If it isn’t easy to do this or you struggle to get your point across, you could always sit down with a family member or friend to help you explain.

Alternatively you could always call Child Maintenance Options to help you decide if another arrangement might be better suited to your situation.

If life’s challenges are getting you down or you are finding it hard to deal with them, you might want to have a read of our guide to Emotional Wellbeing.

You can do both of these things by visiting the Child Maintenance Options website using the link above.

What changes in your arrangement have you or the other parent faced and how did you both deal with them? What did you agree to?

Let others know what you think by leaving a reply below.

Summer holiday headaches: supporting your children during the school holidays

The school holidays can be a busy time for parents and children. For many it’s a chance to have some fun, spend time together or do something new. But for some, this time of year can be quite stressful, especially if it means paying for extra childcare, days out or even extra pocket money.

During this time, you might also find that, as a separated parent, the arrangement you have with the other parent needs to change.  For example, you might need to vary your child maintenance arrangement because of other costs. What you’ve agreed on for the rest of the year might not fit with what you or your children have planned for the holidays.

One of the advantages of a family-based arrangement is that it’s flexible and meets the individual needs of different families. Because you and the other parent decide what’s best for you and your children, you can always change what you’ve agreed as you go along. So long as you and the other parent are happy with this.

Some parents who pay money to the other parent to care for their children agree to pay less during the holidays. This is because they might be providing extra for holidays or things for children to do when they are not at school. For example, trips to the cinema or days out at a theme park or seaside. These can be expensive and soon add up.

The key to getting this right, is talking to the other parent about your children’s needs and how you might share the cost. To help you think about this, we’ve created a form called the ‘Cost of Raising Your Child’ (expenditure calculation sheets) which lists some of the things you might want to consider to help you agree. You can find this under the Tools and leaflets section.

If you find it difficult to talk to the other parent about your arrangement, our recent post offers some tips on how you might do this.

How do you and the other parent support your children during the school holidays and how did you arrange it? Or maybe you have tips on money saving ways to provide for your children?

Let others know what you think by leaving a reply below.

Raising the issue of child maintenance: ways to start talking and reach an agreement

Talking about personal issues with an ex-partner isn’t always easy. When you can’t agree on them, it’s natural to feel fed up, angry or upset about it all.  As parents you’ll only want what’s best for your children but you are only human and sometimes emotions get in the way.

In this situation you might want to consider ways to start talking and reach an agreement.

Here are five tried and tested ways to help you talk about supporting your children:

1. Put the needs of your child first

Child maintenance can make a significant difference to a child’s well-being, because it can help create a more stable environment for them and give them a better start in life. Being able to put your differences to one side and sorting out child maintenance as soon as you can will really help your children.

2. Be prepared

Before talking to the other parent about child maintenance, most parents find it useful to make a list of what they want to talk about and what their priorities are in advance. It helps them to focus on the needs of the children and avoid getting sidetracked or drawn into arguments.

We’ve created a discussion guide to help you prepare to talk to the other parent about child maintenance. You can find this on the Child Maintenance Options website by using the link at the top of this page.

3. Decide when and where you want to meet

Think about where you want to have the discussion. Some people prefer somewhere private like their home, while others feel more comfortable somewhere more neutral like a café or library. Do you want someone else there with you?

4. Try to find some common ground

Lots of parents we speak to say they found it easier when they started off talking about the issues that they both agreed on, even if they were low priorities. And remember, compromise from both of you is the key to successful discussion.

5. Make a record of what you agree on

It’s a good idea to write down what you have agreed on, and both keep a copy. We’ve produced a form which you can use to do this. Although it’s not legally binding, it’s a good way to remind you of what you agreed. You can find this under the Tools and leaflets section above.

Be clear on how long your arrangement will last, and build in the option to change it if either of your circumstances changes.

 If you’re not ready to talk

If you still find the idea of talking about child maintenance overwhelming, you could ask a mutual friend or family to help you make an arrangement or seek the support of a professional mediator. If you find it difficult to talk face-to-face, could you write or email to start your discussions?

How have you successfully reached an agreement with the other parent? What made it a success and what did you say?

Let others know what you think by leaving a reply below.